you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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