i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
