Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
