Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
