You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
