I have demons in me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
