I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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