oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
