WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
