i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
