What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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