She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
