The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im holly from the hills drunk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
