I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
