The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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