On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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