i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
