The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
