I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
