WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
