if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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