38 yer olds are good kisserssss
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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