ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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