i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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