Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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