like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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