Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
