not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
