You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
