i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
