I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
