she looked like the before picture.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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