the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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