i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
