my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
