Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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