I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
