i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
