her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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