Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
