Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
