Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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