i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How does one acquire holy water?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
