I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
