Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
