Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
