Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
