I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
