I'm so fucking centered right now
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
