god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
