you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
