i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
