this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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