yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
