And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
