i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
