what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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