question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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